How do you get over a bad boy when you can’t just skip to the credits?
If you haven’t watched Grease lately, you may want to dust off a copy and if you haven’t seen it all, let me persuade you. It’s a 1970’s cult-classic romantic musical with enough leather to keep you guessing, and one of the most iconic, yet woefully delusional, tropes of the bad boy gone good. I like to call it the Zuko Effect.
Our dashing lead, Danny Zuko (John Travolta), strikes up an unlikely romance with an outsider and quintessential good girl, Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton-John.) As 110 minutes of musical mastery and teenage theatrics unfold, it’s revealed that Danny is no more a bad boy than the Cowardly Lion is a brick road bandit; and the couple quite literally rides off into the sunset in a red convertible.
The Zuko Effect makes us believe that with enough patience and positivity, we too can teach a lion to become a house cat — the trick, however, is that Danny was just a nice guy with a pack of cigarettes. Sandy was able to forgive his dodgy behavior because he was actually a sensitive lover and, most important of all — a fictitious character.
Unfortunately, our real lives can’t sustain the melodrama, and baddies off the big screen need more than a jazz number to find moral redemption. Since launching my advice column, The Spin, I’ve received a flood of submissions on the subject, so I’ve put together a list of tips to recognize and get over your very own Danny Zuko.
It seems clear that our friend should be fed up from enduring the overt disrespect of cheating, lying, and manipulation from their partner. However, it appears their vision has distorted by the irrational, illogical, and absolutely essential gift of hope.
Hope is one of our greatest superpowers, and like any other power, it can be a blessing or a burden when misplaced. Misplaced hope will leave you in love with someone’s potential or waiting for a different outcome than the one reality has already presented.
And so, to move on from a partner who is no good to you, with you, or for you — I recommend redirecting the immense strength of hope that you possess back to yourself.
How to Ditch A Bad Boy:
- Commit to the breakup: To move on from a breakup, one first must break up. Save yourself months of texts, 3 AM voicemails, and Postmates ice cream deliveries by taking the reigns. Although this former partner may not respect your boundaries, it’s up to you to respect them and stand firm in your decisions.
- Get Mad: Through emotional filtering, red flags can appear yellow — and suddenly, you’re romanticizing the good times while devaluing the real issues. The next time your filtration system needs a tune-up, try writing about the moments that hurt you. Although they are uncomfortable to face, you’ll be able to give them a space to live (outside of your mind) while reminding yourself of all the reasons not to go back.
- Grow your social circle: One of my favorite and most regurgitated sayings is: life is not meant to be done alone. Lean on friends and family or seek new friendships that will hold you accountable while supporting you. I’m also a firm believer that being helpful helps. Make yourself available to serve others to find some healthy detachment from the breakup blues. Try these apps to form new connections.
4. Forgive yourself: This type of toxic relationship can lead you to believe that you don’t deserve better or that you shoulder the blame for its outcome. The freedom of self-forgiveness reminds you that your only crime was falling for the bad boy! Truth be told, no one blames a fish for taking the bait, luckily when it comes to love there is a catch-and-release policy.