Advice | My Friend Turned Frenemie

The Spin Advice Column

The Spin is a modern take on the classic advice column. Get out of your head and take mine for a spin. New posts every Friday!

Since starting this advice column last year, I’ve received 41 submissions on the subject of friendship. How do I set boundaries with my friends? Have I outgrown my friendship? Should I forgive a friend who betrayed me?

It’s a constant reminder that friendships, though fruitful for the soul, are at their core complicated connections, requiring considerable energy and patience. This week’s submission comes from someone saddled with the burden of expelling all of the efforts in a one-sided friendship and looking for guidance on navigating this dynamic.

• Please note this submission has been edited to shorten the length.

Submission:

Response:

Let’s be real; this friendship has more red flags than the U.N. From missing your wedding and baby shower with an apparent lack of remorse to judging your lifestyle and everything else in between, it is no wonder you don’t feel secure in this friendship. There are almost too many incidences to consider separately, so instead, let’s collect each flag and put them in a box labeled disappointments. Ultimately, that’s what we’re talking about here, how to deal with disappointment in a friendship. We’ll go through about five ways to either put your foot down to fix the situation or use those same boots to walk away from your very own ‘Flaky Fiona.’

1. Set Expectations Like Souffle

Let’s start by accepting that time only implies loyalty; it doesn’t secure it. Whether it is a 20-year relationship like yours or two days, we often expect time will strengthen our bonds; however, it can also breed distance and exaggerate our differences. There is a lot of pressure for you and Flaky Fiona to maintain traditional friendship roles because of the quantity of years you’ve known one another and not the quality. Setting your expectations is a lot like setting the perfect temperature. Imagine baking a chocolate souffle or just watch a few episodes…